How I Used Mental Conditioning to Stay Hopeful When My Daughter Broke Her Arm at the Beginning of Pandemic.
Written by Irina Tarasenco on September 17th, 2021.
I would like to share with you a tool that is using mental conditioning to create a state of hope and acceptance during intense experience of stress and adversity.
Before I explain more about the tool, I'd like to share from my personal experience to help you relate better.
This was the second week of March, 2020, right after I spent an entire weekend setting up my 7 and 10 year old daughters' work space to get ready for "homeschooling". I created a nice home schedule for my children, I thought I was entering a nice week with some structure at home since the beginning of lockdowns (the beginning of chaos really).
I was content about how things were going on Monday, the girls were eager to follow the schedule and at their first "recess"... my 7 year old broke her right arm jumping on the trampoline with my teenage son and her sister. The worse thing to happen when you're not allowed to go anywhere, right?
I was working from my improvised bedroom office at the time, with a window overlooking our backyard and although I didn't see what happened, I immediately knew it was bad by the look on my son's face, his agitation and my daughter's screaming.
My entire week with everything I planned to do went out that window.
The poor girl required surgery the next day and she only wanted her "mommy" for the rest of the week. She was fine throughout the entire journey of going to hospital, having a surgery, recovering and another mini-surgery to take the metal rod out 6 months later. We were grateful for the doctors, nurses and staff at the hospital that continue to do a great job assisting patients in the middle of the chaos coronavirus created.
You see, there is always a lesson in every unfortunate and painful situation we experience. My lesson as a mother was that all three of my children were not allowed on the trampoline at the same time. The easy lesson I learned. The hard one, the one we all resist so much as humans is that painful and undesirable events are part of life just like the pleasant ones are and we need to accept them.
Did I think my daughter's injury was part of my life in that moment? Of course I didn't. I didn't want to accept that and here is what my thinking process was at first:
I thought to myself... "No, it's already stressful to deal with the lockdown, learn to homeschool my elementary, middle and high schoolers and work from home with a full house, how can I add more stress to my life?" I was very disappointed with my children and very stressed that Monday. Too many "new" things at once - system overload.
We were already going through major life transition called COVID-19, all of us, not just me. We were trying to hang on to things we knew before Covid and we were trying to learn new ways of living with Covid all at the same time. This was very stressful, especially for families with children and/or elderly people in the house.
But even in the middle of a huge transition, other more critical things can happen, like a broken bone, a car accident or other type of trauma that can push us to the ground and take away the very last bit of stability we are trying to preserve.
However, when we're forced to attend to a critical and stressful episode in our life and forget about other things, other people, even ourselves...
Please remember...
EVERYTHING IS TEMPORARY on earth - the key mental shift that helped me become more hopeful and positive while taking care of my daughter's injury that Monday. I just needed to remind myself of that truth and do my best to stay present.
Even the worse and most tragic experience will pass. It will end, we know it. We certainly don't feel like that going through it, but our good friend "time" always proves it. My daughter's pain and discomfort, my pain, her surgery and recovery, everything ended.
You're probably wondering about the tool I used involving mental conditioning by now. In simple words, when our mind is flooded by emotions, sometimes intense ones, we need to remember to stick to the facts. Reminding myself that everything was temporary when I thought I couldn't handle more stress in my life, helped me remember that my pain had an expiry date.
Another thing I had to do when my mind was focused on the accident was to remind myself that my life was not only the bad accident just happened. I had to stay present to the fact that there were a lot of great things that supported me at the same time. This shift in perspective helped me be more reasonable, present and stay connected instead of fearful, devastated and disconnected
Instead of thinking how bad my situation was and all the possible negative outcomes, I was present to the fact that I was alive, I had my body and my mind supporting me in dealing with my daughter's situation. My husband was there to help me, I had a car to drive to the hospital, I had money in my purse and what to eat, the hospital was still there welcoming us and everything else was good. That is what we lose often when we experience a crisis, we lose the contact with facts, with our reality, our present.
Remind yourself to stay present, even if everything around you is changing. Stay present using everything you've got today. If you're not sure how to do that, ask, reach out and start practicing it. It is a critical skill to have when dealing with stress and anxiety.
Staying focused on the present and some basic facts like the ones I mentioned above, will help you decrease your anxiety and avoid the overthinking.
Just stay present.
Irina Tarasenco
Irina Tarasenco helps female professionals and entrepreneurs feel confident, empowered and in control of their life by eliminating limiting beliefs, self-judgment and overwhelm once and for all.
If you're ready to overcome your fears, overthinking, perfectionism and focus on being more confident and growing your business or practice success, reach out and request a free strategy session today.
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