For some of us, just thinking about that causes anxiety. I have to admit, I was one of those people to worry about how others perceived and thought about me. Many of you can relate I'm sure. 

Because it was so important to make sure others think well of me, I always had the highest demands of myself. Everything needed to be perfect: my house sparkling clean, my children always looking perfect and fed the best food cooked by me,  my work perfectly done, etc. 

The fear of what others will think or say about me, made me put everybody and everything else before myself. It didn’t feel right inside, but on the outside - this was exactly what I tried to control all the time - other people’s opinions about me.

This pattern started changing as I was developing more self-awareness. Often, what I was most afraid of was not happening and the results were actually the opposite of what I expected. 

People in my environment, never said I was not good enough, I wasn’t prepared or professional, that I didn’t do a good job and that they didn’t like me. Isn’t this what we’re afraid of hearing about us?

This is a fascinating mental game and I would like you to understand it. As you’re more aware of what’s underneath your actions, you can disrupt these old unhealthy patterns and unlearn them. Here are a few points that might help you have some insights:

- Being disliked, disapproved or rejected by others, what I thought was the worst thing to happen to me, rarely does in fact happen! If I don’t really get that negative feedback from people, it means it’s not them, they don’t have a problem with me, I have a problem with myself.

- My worst enemy is not people’s opinion about me, it’s my self-judgement. In trying to control what others think of me, how about controlling what I think of myself instead?

- If I’m constantly judging myself, I must not like/love myself. Ok... I don’t like/love myself, and I expect others to like/love me, how does that work?  

- Constantly trying to look perfect in all aspects of my life, keeping myself busy all the time... am I distracting myself from what’s truly important to me: my authentic self, my goals, my self-expression and self-growth?

- Why would my authentic self, my goals, my self-expression or self-growth be important if I don’t like/love myself? Of course, it makes sense to put everybody and everything else before me, because “I am not important”.

- This is a painful vicious cycle of trying to make a great impression on others as a result of a fundamental problem with self-worth and it may sound like this: "When others like me, I feel better because otherwise, I don't know how to like myself". 

The message to all of you that worry about what others think is to start filling your cup from within and here is where I would suggest you start:

Every time you worry about making a good impression or being liked - like yourself first! Make a point of knowing and acknowledging your achievements, skills, actions and intentions because that is your evidence when it comes to worthiness. 

When you’re obsessed with someone’s opinion about you, ask yourself the question: “Do I like myself at this moment?”

If your answer is “No”, you have a problem with yourself and only you can solve it. 

This is not an easy problem to solve and you might need support in that because of how well-established these negative patterns can be, however, I am 100% convinced it is solvable and I invite you to find the solutions.

 

If you're ready to overcome your fears, overthinking, perfectionism and focus on being more confident and growing your business or practice success, reach out and request a free strategy session today.